the memory keeper

Our Winter Story: Cordoba, Spain.

2012-02-12T12:14:00.002+01:00

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

[Mark Twain]

the cathedral of Cordoba. you must be wondering why we spent most of our time in Spain visiting these types of places. the truth is, all the existing cathedrals were once glorious mosques with sky-high approbation from almost everyone living during the era.

this particular cathedral, had pillars you'd expect a mosque would have. the same feeling struck me to the cord, it was honestly a tad queer having Christianity and Muslims work of art jumbled up in one place.

from the Christian side.

Muslim side of the cathedral.

before we entered, the guards told us that this was not a place for us to pray. there were guards everywhere, making sure we obeyed the rules.

the feeling of being watched, mashaAllah, plain creepy. it was like they had something against us. ready to throw us out if we made one slight gesture.

we met an Indian couple from Malaysia. it was honestly so nice to meet people from back home. they came to Spain for a vacation, and were slightly shocked to know that we were studying in Czech. the uncle said, they came to the cathedral to see the Islamic part of it.

that gave me a warm feeling inside. subhanallah.

we took pictures with them and bid farewell. they wished us good luck and to make Malaysia proud.

later on we visited Madinat Al-Zahra. (or what's left of it, to be exact).

it used to be a castle during the ruling of the caliphs of Uthmaniyah. this was where they lived and worked hard to conquer more lands, spreading Islam, increasing the Ummah.

situated on top of a hill, the scenery was gorgeous no doubt.

it was the end of our Andalucia journey. the experience i got from all this, will forever be kept in my heart. and i can't help but to eagerly anticipate the moment when Islam would be as glorious as it used to be during those days. insyaAllah.

one day, it will come.

Our Winter Story: Sevilla, Spain.

2012-02-11T19:17:00.000+01:00

our walk through the city of Sevilla was somewhat brief. with only one night of staying there, sight seeing the whole day and throughout the whole night was what we did.

we went to see a cathedral that has a really high tower with bells on the highest part. little did i know the tower used to be the place to call for 'azan' back during Islam was ruling the land of Espana. it wasn't supposed to be that tall, 2/3 of the tour was filled with Islamic architecture while the rest up until the huge ringing bells, Christianity kicks in.

i was told the pathway inside the tower that leads to the highest point could fit two horsemen. so back in those days, the men who had the duty of calling the azan would ride his horse up until the top.

the view from up there, spectacular.

the gates surrounding the cathedral caught my attention the first time i observed it up close. it had Arabic writings carved in geometrical order which was absolutely amazing. but it was such an odd thing to see a cathedral with Islamic features.

as night falls, we went to Plaza de Espana. it was a government building that was used in one of the scenes in Star Wars. the Star Wars fans among us was utterly overwhelmed by the single fact.

Cordoba up next :)

Our Winter Story: Granada, Spain (part 2)

2012-02-03T11:45:00.000+01:00

History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again.

[Maya Angelou]

to think that such old dusty buildings could clutch onto so many wondrous memories. the sight, the history, the carvings on each wall, they add up to give an impeccable view of how strong and mighty Islam was back during those days.

Al-Hambra (the Red One), a palace and fortress complex located in Granada. It was constructed during the mid 14th century, occupying the top of the hill of the Assabica on the southeastern border of the city of Granada. one of Uthmaniyah's treasures.

the architecture, subhanaAllah, pure beauty. from the outside it looks like a fortress dominating the landscape, but from the inside, its a jewel of Muslim craftsmanship. they built this place from scratch with 14th century technology and yet every nook and cranny of their construction has the name Allah Almighty carved deep within the walls.

Wa La Ghaliba ilallah.

a message delivered from the strong standing walls of Alhambra right into our little hearts. the meaning? "there is no victor except Allah".

i was told there was a fountain in the shape of lions that would sprout out water every single time the calling of azan roams the air. how can you not be amazed of the level of intelligence the people back then had to build such a phenomenal treasure.

as i was utterly eager to watch the lions, when we got to the fountains....

there was a construction going on, they were having a research on how water could come out of the lions' mouths every single time the azan was heard.

now, there goes one of the most precious Islamic beauty and masterpiece. torn down by a group of men with oversized hammers and equipment. my life will never be the same again T___T

everything was symmetrical. from the rooms, to the chambers, up to the highest pillars. and there was water everywhere. this was to cool the atmosphere down during hot summers. the construction was perfectly built that if we look at the building and its reflection, it'll appear as if it was standing on still water.

infinity reflection.

and off we went to Sevilla...

You And I'll Be Safe And Sound.

2012-01-31T17:05:00.000+01:00

as i walked out of the exam room and took the bus home, the grass seemed to be greener, the sky stained with different shades of blue. i can breathe again.

exams are over, Alhamdulillah.

An Invitation.

2012-01-26T12:03:00.002+01:00

Dari PPL Prague:

Assalamualaikum & Salam Sejahtera.....

JEMPUTAN

Kedutaan Besar Malaysia di Prague akan mengadakan Majlis Sambutan Tahun Baru Cina dan Maulidur Rasul pada hari Sabtu, 4 Februari 2012 bertempat di bangunan pejabat Kedutaan. Program akan bermula tepat jam 1.00 petang. Semua rakyat Malaysia di Republik Czech dijemput hadir.

Sekian, terima kasih.

AIDA BAIZURA BINTI MOHD NOR
Penasihat (Pendidikan Dan Kebudayaan)
Kedutaan Besar Malaysia, Prague

p/s: Harap dapat diwar-warkan kepada semua pelajar di semua facebook/ twitter/blog /site yg ada... terima kasih..

Dah datang embassy, boleh isi borang SPR (Pengundi Tak Hadir) sekali... :-). Passport required, IC tak perlu. TQ

Our Winter Story: Granada,Spain.(part 1)

2012-01-20T14:18:00.000+01:00

Many were the Ways of Life that have passed away before you: travel through the earth, and see what was the end of those who rejected Truth.

[Ali'-Imraan, 3:137]

It all started when we decided to spend our winter holidays in The Land Of Conquest, which most people like to call it as Spain. after months of staying in Europe, this is by far the first time for us to literally pack up our bags and have an adventure. before this it was all studying like there's no tomorrow. the journey began on Christmas day and ended on New Year's Eve.

Prague airport.

our flight was from Prague to Munich to Madrid. by the time we reached Madrid, it was already pitch dark, hence sleeping in the airport was our first option. undoubtedly i've never in my whole life spent the night in an airport before, which makes me underestimate the level of coldness that existed during the night. laying down long enough on the floor left me with a numbness feeling up to my spine.

Madrid airport.

First thing we did in the morning, we took the earliest bus to Granada. it was a long ride,more or less 5 hours. i practically slept throughout the whole journey, i was "gaining my strength" for what lies ahead of me :)

we passed through mountains, the most remarkable ones, a range that went on forever.

RnR

as far as my eyes could see :)

after checking in Funky Granada Hostel, we started walking. we intended to visit Albaycin. this was where the Arabs lived. they had little shops along the road with souvenirs and clothes, little restaurants with halal food (kebabs and Arabian desserts), there was even several men selling their artworks writing peoples' names and poems in Arabic.

we walked uphill, and as we reached the highest spot, there it was, standing in its rightful place, a glorified beauty. non of which could come across our hearts and minds something so extravagant to prevail over our emotions. as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

The Castle Of Alhambra.

one look at it and i assure you your hearts will blossom similar to a garden of roses. Breathtaking. and i was feeling a tad dreary with the fact that it is not ours to keep,since Islam does not rule the lands of Espana anymore. its like looking into a distant memory, with a forlorn attempt to remain inside the caverns of our minds.

Mezquita Granada

there was a white building which i didn't know at first what it was supposed to be. it turned out to be a mezquita (mosque) in the middle of Albaycin. guarded by a few Arab men who were really nice, maybe a little too nice(?) one of them asked us whether it's easy to marry a Malaysian. all we could utter at a severe situation like that was "nerozumím" and we literally said it in Czech -.-

there were Moroccan people in the mezquita as well. the excitement of meeting Muslims from all parts of the world is one of the most magical feelings.

the second day in Granada, we went to Alhambra.

Subhanallah. Subhanallah. Subhanallah.

and the story continues....

Even Vampires Have Feelings.

2012-01-14T09:17:00.000+01:00

"No, i'm dying." -Caroline

"And I could let you, die. If that's what you want, if you really believe your existence has no meaning. I thought about it myself, once or twice, over centuries, truth be told. But i'll let you in on a little secret, there's a whole world out there waiting for you, great cities and art, and music... Genuine beauty, and you can have all of it. You can have a thousand more birthdays, all you have to do is ask." -Klaus

A Promise Is A Promise.

2012-01-08T02:10:00.000+01:00

i realized i've been awol for a while.

i owe you guys the story of my visit to Spain. apparently i haven't had the perfect time to do so which is something critical for me. my sincere apologies to everyone.

exams are haunting me. lurking in every corner, trying to gulp me into a trance like oblivion. now i'm just being melodramatic.

location: Al-Hambra castle.

the second i finish my final exams, i'll definitely update more.
make du'a for me?
Jazakallah khayr!
:)

Quote Me.

2012-01-03T15:50:00.002+01:00

You might be married to the worst man on earth , like Asiah who married with Firaun but it did not actually changed her (her aqidah).

You might be married to the best man on earth, eg : the prophet of Allah, but it doesn't mean you are going to Jannah with him, like the wife of Nabi Luth a.s.

You might not married to any man, like Maryam but Allah put you higher than other woman on earth.

Put love and trust on Allah, and Allah is the main focus.

[Ukhti Syifa]

Are You Up For It?

2011-12-24T23:52:00.001+01:00

there's a lot to learn, things to see, experiences to gain, and a life to live. so i'm saying České sbohem and hola España.

Spain, here i come :)

A Snow Filled Wonderland.

2011-12-23T02:18:00.000+01:00

"I want to put the universe on my bedroom walls. i want to open my eyes in the middle of the night and see the stars. maybe i should live in a glass house. i could dance around for eternity, a flawless ballerina"

[girl-in-a-whimsical-land]

i was meant to write something in here, but after a really long day filled with exams, emotional predicaments, watching back-to-back love movies with the housemates, i've got to admit to myself that i'm drained out.

it's the beginning of Christmas holidays.

credits to Nina for the lovely picture:)

Wordless Wednesday #14.

2011-12-14T00:21:00.002+01:00

I'd Rather Be A Comma Than A Full Stop.

2011-12-09T07:44:00.001+01:00

Quran themed charades.

have you done such a thing before? you get a name of a Surah and try to make your friends guess what it is by doing gestures of different sorts. it was my first time playing the game during Ini Sejarah Kita. the tricky part: not knowing the meaning of the Surahs would make this game way harder for you.

i've gained a fair amount of knowledge for the past two months. surviving tips, how to to spend money wisely, communication with non-Asian people, cooking skills, medicine, learning Czech Latin Botswana and Greek languages, do the unimaginable, self-esteem ~~(not so much)~~. each and every one of them are as important as the other. and these are all for one sole purpose, God.

everything i do is for the sake of Allah.

i am clearly aware of what i say or do might not affect the hearts of any other soul, perhaps not even a twitch of an eyelid, but if you're living in a community where Muslim faces are rare, you're bound to at least take good care of each other in a way so that no one goes off course. no one gets left behind.

it is here i learned the true meaning of tawakkal. never in my life have i gone through a phase synonymous to this. it's no longer the battle of intelligence, but rather the amount of hard work you do and also the amount of help you attain from God. it works out in a sequence, (since in Czech we have oral examinations). study until half of your soul is drained out, pray you could remember everything (but there's a slight chance you'd have some of that knowledge slipping out from your mind), reserve your date for exams, pray you would get the most appropriate date (but it could happen if you get a couple of days earlier, or maybe later), take the exams, pray you'd get the-nicest-lecturer-in-the-world to become your examiner (but then that only happens if your lucky enough), pick the exam questions, pray you'd get the one's that you could remember the most (with everything you've learned throughout the year, need i say more?), get the results right after the exams, pray so that you'll at least pass (....)

i have come to terms having my presence here is making me closer to God. Alhamdulillah. having Him alone is suffice. all i need to do is ask myself constantly 'am i taking a step forward towards the future or is this just a way to continue the presence...'

tawakkal to the fullest, is what i like to call it.

I Really Think That Everyone Should Have Watercolors, Magnetic Poetry, And A Harmonica.

2011-11-30T19:37:00.001+01:00

Quote Me.

2011-11-29T18:52:00.001+01:00

"When we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. Our answers were things like astronaut, president, or in my case… a princess.

When we were ten, they asked again and we answered – rock star, cowboy, or in my case, gold medalist. But now that we’ve grown up, they want a serious answer. Well, how ’bout this: who the hell knows?

This isn’t the time to make hard and fast decisions, its time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere. Fall in love – a lot. Major in philosophy ’cause there’s no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind, then change it again, because nothing is permanent.

So make as many mistakes as you can. That way, someday, when they ask again what we want to be… we won’t have to guess. We’ll know...”

[Twilight Saga: Eclipse]

Life Is A Climb, But The View's Great.

2011-11-27T17:12:00.001+01:00

Quote Me.

2011-11-25T18:53:00.001+01:00

Sam tapped her hand on the steering wheel. Patrick held his

hand outside the car and made air waves. And I just sat between

them. After the song finished, I said something.

"I feel infinite."

And Sam and Patrick looked at me like I said the greatest

thing they ever heard. Because the song was that great and

because we all really paid attention to it. Five minutes of a

lifetime were truly spent, and we felt young in a good way. I have

since bought the record, and I would tell you what it was, but

truthfully, it's not the same unless you're driving to your first real

party, and you're sitting in the middle seat of a pickup with two

nice people when it starts to rain.

[Stephen Chbosky-The Perks Of Being A Wallflower]

Big Shots Are Little Shots Who Kept Shooting.

2011-11-23T10:22:00.001+01:00

How can you disbelieve in Allah when you were lifeless and He brought you to life; then He will cause you to die, then He will bring you [back] to life, and then to Him you will be returned.

[Al-Baqarah,2:28]

i run to catch the bus every morning. not a pretty sight to be seen as i carry my heavy backpack, running in the cold, condensed water vapor coming out from my mouth as i breathe deeply gasping for air, arms flailing, feeling numb at my face and hands for having contact with the piercing frostiness. and i tell myself never to be late afterwards no matter what happens.

the next morning, i run again.

its the most closest thing i have to an exercise, since it's always below freezing temperature here in Czech hence sweating is really hard to do even though i'm running all the time. the days are short and when night falls, time seems to stop. the sun sets at half past four in the evenings, leaving us no chance to dwell in the sunlight.

bokeh :)

i'm blending in day by day, getting hold of myself, unwinding. i knew it was not going to be easy in the first place, but i chose this regardless. life is not a bucket of fruits, but no one said it was impenetrable. i wanted this, even before i could remember.

i'm not the kind to walk alone, but whenever i do, my mind starts to aberrate into a far far away land. i honestly think that's the best way for me to look at myself as others do. what i do and how my actions affect people. thinking and observing are two things i spend my time doing in this place, and i've never thought that i could go way beyond boundaries.

now i know it is possible.

God sent me here for all the right reasons. i should know that by now, but the feelings of a mere human being fluctuates more than one could describe.

i'm not asking for a lighter burden, i'm praying for a stronger back.

Rabbi Yassir wala tu-‘assir. Rabbi tham-mim bil khayr. Rabbi zidni ‘ilman war-zuqni fahman.”

“O my Lord, make things easier for me, do not make things difficult for me. O My Lord, let my affairs end with goodness. O my Lord, increase my knowledge and grant me understanding.”

below freezing T_T

i'm done with all the exams for this week. the ones we take for credits which holds something more significant than the other tests i've had so far. and we still have classes during this week, and other microtests too despite the exams ._____. ohh and it doesn't stop here, it starts all over again next week, microtests and all.

i am officially a living medical zombie. fullstop.

If This Was A Movie You'd Be Here By Now.

2011-11-20T18:10:00.001+01:00

Quote Me.

2011-11-11T22:57:00.001+01:00

"In hospitals, they say you know when you’re going to die. Some doctors say it’s a look patients get in their eyes. Some say there’s a scent, a certain smell. Some say it’s some kind of sixth sense. When the great beyond is headed for you, you feel it coming. If today were your last day on Earth? How would you spend it?"

[Grey's Anatomy-As We Know It]

Hang In There, You're Stronger Than You Think You Are.

2011-11-05T10:26:00.000+01:00

May your lives be as full of love as the skies are of birds.

i woke up in the cold crisp morning, thinking about all the things my family would do a day before Eid. all the commotion, the laughter, waking up to the smell of rendang being cooked, the sounds of the house being scrubbed squeaky clean, the siblings running to and fro.

and i look at where i am now, fidgeting in my bed, right in the middle of Czech Republic, inhaling the fragrance given off by my vanilla scented candle on the dresser, admitting to myself that i miss home terribly.

tomorrow's Eid al-Adha.

How i wish i was home right this instant.

i'm strong enough, i know i am.

Wordless Wednesday #13

2011-11-02T16:04:00.000+01:00

being the only follower brings such honor :)

Dhul-hijjah

2011-10-30T13:01:00.002+01:00

"By the dawn, By the ten nights And by the even and the odd"

[al-Fajr 89:1-2]

There is no day on which Allah frees more people from the hellfire than on the day of Arafah; on this day sins are forgiven, Allah becomes closer to his slaves, His Angels boast of the people standing on the plain of Arafah, as they stand, humbly, sacrificing, remembering Allah and seeking His forgiveness. This is the day of the Great Pilgrimage; a day of praise for Allah, a day of remembrance and repentance.

According to the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, the first ten days of this month are a special time for devotion. During these days, preparations are underway for those who are undertaking the pilgrimage, and most of the actual pilgrimage rites occur. In particular, the 9th day of the month marks the Day of Arafat, and the 10th day of the month marks the Eid al-Adha (Festival of Sacrifice). Even for those who are not travelling for the pilgrimage, this is a special time to remember Allah and spend extra time in devotion and good deeds.

It was during the Ten Days of Dhul-Hijja that Allah accepted the repentance of Adam, when He relented toward him and restored him to His grace at Arafa.

It was during those Ten Days that Abraham the Bosom Friend-Ibrahim al-Khalil (peace be upon him) obtained the bosom friendship bestowed upon him by Allah, having sacrificed his wealth for the sake of the guests, himself for the sake of the fires, his son for the sake of the Criterion-Furqan, and his heart for the sake of the All-Merciful.

It was during those Ten Days that Abraham Ibrahim (peace be upon him) constructed the noble Ka'ba.

It was during those Ten Days that Allah honoured Moses peace be upon him) with intimate conversation.

It was during those Ten Days that forgiveness descended upon David-Dawud (peace be upon him).

***

so let us all seek forgiveness and fast during these ten magnificient days. May Allah lay upon His blessings for you and i, insyAllah.

p/s: it's nice fasting in Czech, the time goes by swiftly. we break fast at 4.46pm. life doesn't get any better than that :)

Tag Me.

2011-10-29T21:02:00.000+02:00

lately i've been tagged by two people (Wani and Miza) which is yet to be done. i haven't done any tags for a while, so i thought i would take a second to acknowledge its existence before it gets depleted from my mind.

You must post these rules

Each person must post 11 things about themselves in their journal

Answer the question the tagger set for you in their post. And create new eleven question for the people you tagged to answer.

You have to choose 11 people to tag and link them on the post

Go to their page and tell them you have tagged him/her

No tag back !

No stuff in the tagging section about "You Are Tagged If You Are Reading This" you legitimately (a.k.a really, trust, with all honestly) have to tag 11 people

1) i think Anatomy is the most exciting subject EVER.

2) i always have been average in everything, and i wouldn't ask for more.

3) i miss my family dearly.

4) i love love love autumn :D

5) being watched agitates me.

6) traveling is my all time favorite thing to do.

7) i always get myself involved in awkward situations.

8) i'm very sensitive,even the slightest move could afflict my little fragile heart.

9) people perpetually mistaken me for what they see and what i truly am.

10) i have build a new passion towards sweet scented candles.

11) i do believe God knows what's best for me.

so right now i will be answering all the questions asked by the two taggers.

Nama penuh anda.

Maryam Nabihah

Maksud nama anda.

Maryam= the mother of Jesus(Isa a.s) Nabihah= eminent, noble

Satu perkataan menggambarkan diri anda.

enthusiastic(?)

Prinsip yang anda pegang.

it's never too late until it's too late

Asal tempat tinggal.

Jitra, Kedah

Menetap di mana. Bagi yang tinggal di luar negara, ceritakan serba-sedikit tentang negara yang anda diami sekarang.

Bandar Baru Bangi, Selangor. as for now i'm living in Czech Republic with full pride and honor.

Impian anda.

to be a noble khalifah.

Mengapa anda blogging.

Good question. i'm not so sure myself. probably to pass time, share some experiences, scribble some ideas and what not.

Perkara yang anda rindukan ketika anda kanak-kanak.

the carefree feeling of being lightweight, when i was living in a world with problems that never existed, Along being my best friend with our matching bunny balloons and so-called-adventures-of-a-lifetime.

Tempat belajar.

Charles University in Prague, Faculty of Medicine in Hradec Kralove, Czech Republic.

Jurusan yang anda ambil.

General Medicine.

awak pilih mana, luna ke swan?

LUNA. i'm using it for Histology practicals, cell sketching :)

what will you do if someone does not accept your apology instead memaki hamun bagai mintak penampar bersiri?
stand in front of the person quietly and make my sad face

if someone sulking ; persuade or ignore? reasons?
it depends on the person, i'd say, reverse psychology.

which one you'll choose? beloved boyfriend/girlfriend or luxurious car?

neither

between tasbih and necklace, which one you're need more? why?
you could actually use the necklace as a tasbih. then you'll get both :)

sebelum awak outing/hang out, apa yang awak fikir? like, 'alamak! tengah sengkek ni. lain kali je la hang out.' that's mine. what's yours?
i'll check the weather forecast first.

prefering semut dalam air atau lalat dalam air? kenapa agak agaknya ye?

neither. i do not prefer having creepy crawly creatures in my drinking water please and thank you.

like to share or makan sendiri a.k.a selfish?

i do not have any problems with sharing. it is honestly more fun.

awak balas kejahatan dengan kebaikan atau balas kejahatan dengan kejahatan? macam hutang nyawa dibalas nyawa. huhu. why?

err(?)

kalau anda rasa anda tak cantik, adakah keyakinan anda kurang? atau 'chill laa. bersyukur aku dilahirkan sempurna tubuh badan'? sebab musabab?

i'm always counting my blessings

bibir anda kering? menggunakan lip balm atau jilat bibir semata mata je? berikan alasan yang kukuh.

chapped lips and dry skin are actually quite common here. i practically have at least five lip balms under my possession. which answers your question, i use lip balm.

if i'm not going to tag anyone after this, so that means the tag ends here. thanks a lot for tagging me :)

I Know The Sun Must Set To Rise.

2011-10-28T10:13:00.000+02:00

If Allah helps you, none can overcome you: If He forsakes you, who is there, after that, that can help you? in Allah, then, Let believers put their trust

[Al-li'Imraan, 3:160]

it's Friday today, Czech's Independence Day. three days of free time filled with conviviality. so much has happened. to list it all would take me forever. may i cherish them in my heart, disputes aside.

Biophysics practicals. Ultrasound :)

When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach so
She ran away in her sleep
And dreamed of
Paradise.

first attempt finding carotid artery.

Never Live In The Past.

2011-10-22T00:53:00.000+02:00

live for the present, and the future.

staying in Czech Republic makes me feel like time travelling. different longitudes hence different time zones. i'm always 6 hours behind Malaysia. i'm writing this at 12am now and getting ready to enter dream land, while bonda might be getting up early in the morning at 6am. you see how that works? trying to find the right time to communicate is a struggle for me. no more calling home everyday just like what i did in KTT. sabar Maryam,

S.A.B.A.R

i just got back from Baitul Mus'ab. ate soto and mee bandung. i haven't told you guys how seniors here are able to cook like professional chefs. i've gone through more than a couple of microtests, some were bearable, others were a little too much to even describe. the challenge increases day after day. i'm holding on a thread, but i'm never letting go. not before i try my hardest. i've seen everything regarding the upper limb of a human being, the cadavers' hands are like my best friends now. (i even had a handshake with it once).

it was cold, lifeless.

i have matriculation tomorrow. will be saying 'i promise' while touching a stick in front of a person wearing a red robe. at least that's what i envisage. this is going to be the first time for me wearing baju kurung at -2 degree celsius. now that's what i call an adventure.

having an urge to travel during christmas holidays. three options: Jordan, Turkey, or Spain. so what's it going to be??

Alhamdulillah, i'm still living today. i hope there would be many more to come. till then..

I Had To :)

2011-10-15T17:58:00.000+02:00

First Czech Class.

2011-10-15T01:09:00.000+02:00

Language classes. i like it when learning becomes fun. taking Czech and Latin would probably soothe down the amount of pressure from our backs. Hopefully.

Ahoj! Jmenuju se Maryam, jsem studenka medicíny v Hradci Králové, jsem z Malajsie, je mi dvacet let.

jedna=one
dvé=two
tři=three
čtyři=four
pét=five
šest=six
sedm=seven
osm=eight
devét=nine
deset=ten

some of the letters appear to have thorns above them which could alter only the way they sound like or change the whole meaning altogether. that's what makes it a little different.

European Wonders.

2011-10-13T22:55:00.001+02:00

this has got to be the longest duration i've gone without updating this blog. and it may be the first out of many more abandoning situations due to myself already being in this new atmosphere. so i apologize in advance, i'm taking baby steps here, don't expect me to run just yet.

Alhamdulillah, i'm officially a Charles University student in Czech Republic. will be until 6 years to come. my course, Medicine. how did i end up here?? the answer's simple, because God wants me to.

staying in Czech Republic for more than a week has thought me more than i've probably learned during my whole life. Subhanallah, you wouldn't know what i'm talking about unless if you're standing in my shoes.

the temperature decreases one day after another. it's currently 10 degrees during the day. winter is coming. people are starting to wear thicker garments. but that doesn't stop me from taking the bus in the cold misty mornings just to get to class T_T

Hradec Kralove through my eyes is absolutely ravishing. the streets are mostly cobbled, which makes me tend to step on one rock at a time since it feels weird having my feet in between those rocks.

drivers here are very generous, they stop their cars and give way to pedestrians on zebra crossings EVERY TIME no matter how fast they go, even though it looks slightly peculiar watching their headlights switched on not only at night but also during the day.

we took a walk with the ever so lovely seniors a few days after reaching here. the things we saw, priceless. i love the way window sills have flowers on them, it adds up to the European feeling that i was possessing. the mornings are always misty. bus tickets are a constant 15 krouns, which means you can go anywhere in Hradec Kralove with only one bus ticket. but since i have my bus pass now i can hop on and of the bus whenever i want :)

Charles University is something new for me. i'm practically half the size of all my classmates. they come from various parts of the world, the most from UK, and i've met some from Norway, Greece, Taiwan, India, and German. more males than females, unlike Malaysia where you could count the number of male species in a medical school. in fact, this is the first time i've been in the minority group, one new experience for me.

we are needed to take microtests each and every time before we start practicals (Anatomy,Histology, Biophysics and Biostatistics), which means we take microtests every day since we have practicals every day -.- ohh and we have tests for Latin and Czech language as well. my life couldn't get any better, and i thought Malaysia's the only country with exam oriented study process.

above all the highs and lows that we've been exposed to, i learned something genuinely significant. i am a Muslim and will always be one. i am sincerely touched by the ukwah fillah that is shared among us here. is it just me or are all the seniors immensely nice to us juniors. it feels great having people to show us around and make us feel comfortable here especially since we're so far away from Malaysia, they cooked for us throughout the whole first week because we were so busy rushing to all places at the time.

there's always someone accompanying us going to places like the police station, making the bus pass, to the bank, or even when we went sight seeing, seniors were always there to guide. i am eternally grateful :) and i've slowly adapt to not bring my 'telekung' when i'm going out, since we literally pray in any place even the most unimaginable ones.

we've had Fajr prayers on a bench in the middle of the police station with perplexed stares coming from the Czech people.

it's hard to find Halal food here in Hradec Kralove. as for now, every edible item that the seniors buy at local stores, we would buy the exact same thing. it's very helpful of them to show us which one we're allowed to consume. wouldn't want to ingest something that's not allowed in Islam wouldn't we? we buy boneless chicken from the mosque.

ahh yes, there's a mosque in Hradec Kralove. what's behind its existence? well, that's another story to tell :)

sometimes, we tend to be thankful for the things we do not have. it's hard for us to find Halal food, it's hard to pray comfortably in public without being scrutinized. it's hard running everywhere in the cold all day long. it's hard studying medicine. it's hard having language barriers since Czech people speak very little English. it's hard not having bonda here by my side. it's hard not to attract attention since the local people tend to stare at us with our hijabs on our heads, it's as if they think we're aliens from outer space.

but with hardship comes ease, right?

it'll make me stronger, i'm sure of it.

Sneak Peak.

2011-10-03T22:23:00.000+02:00

Starting This Journey With Bismillah.

2011-09-29T05:28:00.000+02:00

today's the day to the rest of my life.

Au revoir, mon amour. till we meet next time.

Goodbye Malaysia, hello Czech Republic :)

Leave The Past Behind Me, Today My Life Begins.

2011-09-28T19:09:00.000+02:00

Wow...

i think i've been in this precise situation too many times now. counting down the days for my enrolment in KTT, waiting for exams to be over, waiting for my name to be called in interviews, nervously anticipating for the results, at this moment, i'm waiting to spread my wings.

have you ever noticed how much people spent their lives doing solely nothing but waiting?

and have you ever wondered how we used to wait for time to pass by, but now it's the other way around?

change is inevitable. it always is.

sometimes it catches us off-guard, sometimes when it's right under our noses, we tend to apply friction. like we know how facebook changes its look every now and then, and i can't help noticing how people would complain every single time it happens, until eventually they get use to it. and the whole cycle starts all over again.

or when someone promises to stay as your best friend forever or at least for many years to come, they drift apart before you could even get the chance to say 'mackintosh'. change will always follow us no matter where we go, it'll always be on our doorstep. it's mostly up to us how we want the situation to affect us and the surrounding people.

as for now, my life is about to take another turn. i'm trying to make this feeling sink into the deepest caverns of my heart. allow it to fill my veins,pull me back to reality if i ever become too engrossed in a unseen world.

i keep saying to myself that everything's going to be okay. to prepare for every encounter that is imminent, have backups for clothes, books, electrical appliances, feelings. never have any presentiment towards the future. apparently, it's not as easy as it seems.

i'm very much eager to move on to a different phase of life but i'm still reluctant to leave this one behind.

but then bonda comes into the picture, she's always saying "life MUST go on". yes bonda i know. after spending this much time at home, i'm surely going to leave a mark. and as i leave this place, that mark will turn into a hollow void. no more baking cupcakes and cheese tarts until the whole house smells like a bakery, no more late night conversations with bonda, no more kissing Chapz's head every time she comes back from school, no more calling out 'baby brother!' to Zawir in front of his friends so he would get embarrassed, no more sudden cravings for Sneaker bars, no more pretending to be pilots talking in walkie-talkies with bonda calling her 'Mama Bear' and myself being the 'Baby Bear'.

no more, not at least for a long time.

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'

[Eleanor Roosevelt]

so please keep me in your prayers, make du'a for me so that i'll survive six years to come. Baby Bear to Mama Bear...

over and out.

Wordless Wednesday #12

2011-09-28T09:15:00.001+02:00

It's Like Trying To Spin The World The Other Way.

2011-09-27T17:29:00.001+02:00

it's funny how the mind of a mere human being works. one minute you're solving the toughest mathematical equation, the next minute you couldn't even remember where you put your cell phone a moment earlier. God created us with wondrous capabilities. to speak of the lengths that we could achieve, indescribable. just as much as we think we understand ourselves more than anyone does, think again.

it's funny how the body of a mere human being works. one minute you're running a marathon while barely breaking a sweat, the next minute, it goes berserk, kidneys failing, limbs crippling. nothing stays the same. my mood changes every two seconds. people travel to different destinations. Chapz's height increases. a shooting star travelling in its own orbit. time passes by slowly yet steadily.

it's funny how memories work. no matter how long or how far a person goes through his/her life course, memories tend to stay the same. it's like it has its own place tucked up inside our brains.

i like talking about memories. i can feel my neurons get excited whenever i think of it. the wishy-washy feeling is very familiar. have you ever noticed how the mind could pick up random memories to be flashed before your eyes? all it takes is a triggering device.

be it a place, a thing, or a person. memories come barging inside our minds when we least expect them to.

i was driving through Nilai the other day in the middle of the night where the majestic moon hung lifeless overhead. the straight road that i was on diverged into two roads with a junction to the left. i kept on going straight but no matter how hard i try, i couldn't help myself not to peek at that particular junction..

my mind instantly pictured myself and a couple of my friends, still juniors in KTT, in a school bus with no air conditioning, bumpy road, on our way to TEC tuition. the night was completely unaltered.

when i was little we used to visit our grandparents in Ipoh. after they passed away, the only place we would go during our visits there is Nazu's house and my grandparents' graves. so there used to be pictures of my family on a wall in their house. just random pictures of my parents' wedding, as well as the wedding pictures of my uncles and aunts(ayahanda's little siblings). there were pictures of my cousins, and of course my own siblings.

i wasn't expecting to see those pictures again after the house was vacated due to my grandparents deaths. but somehow during my visit to Nazu's house the other day, there they were, the same pictures, on the walls.

it brings back too many memories. i was sure i could hear my heart breaking. scars don't heal, wounds do. the amount of emotion that piles up inside me is just overwhelming at times.

i'm about to make a brand new memory at this moment. one that is worth remembering. just in case you'd wanna know all about it, well, then you'll have to wait another 20 years.

till then...

And Now I'm Out On The Edge Of Forever, Ready To Run.

2011-09-26T10:56:00.000+02:00

Still waiting as patiently as possible. you'd feel a tad restless witnessing a huge bunch of your friends moving on to the next stage of their lives, while you, still oblivious, still waiting for the exact moment. i could honestly feel my brain wearing away into shreds of nothingness.

baby steps Maryam, baby steps.

'Keeping my feet on the ground, arms wide open. Facing the sun'

[David Cook-Time Of My Life]

The Goldfish Song.

2011-09-25T12:09:00.000+02:00

I feel defeated again

I'm always losing to myself

I tried to build a better me

Shack to castle and it fell down

I had the right intentions

Sometimes, my hope envelopes me

And I can't learn the lesson

Not to send a goldfish to the sea

This matter is mine

Don't worry, I'm fine

This matter is mine

I'm not going to give it up

I know what you've been thinking

Too soon to empty my cocoon

This butterfly is not ready

Wouldn't she know better than you?

This matter is mine

Don't worry, I'm fine

This matter is mine

I'm not going to give it up

-Kina Grannis-

Quote Me.

2011-09-22T19:08:00.000+02:00

Love is, handing someone a gun, and trusting them not to pull the trigger.

[Spongebob Squarepants]

Yummy Scent You Just Wanna Eat It!

2011-09-21T17:30:00.001+02:00

WARNING : this has got to be the most random post i've ever made. you are advised not to read this under any circumstances unless you are willing to allow five minutes of your life being poured down the drain. but it would be fun sharing some random thoughts at times, don't you think?

i'm not sure why i haven't told you guys before about my obsession with air fresheners. weird much? yeah i guess so but i am one of the people with layers and layers of different characteristics that always turn out a little differently than what others speculate me to be.

as much as i like patting little kids heads or taking random photographs of people or do typical girly arts and crafts, i love spraying things with air fresheners. it's just a must for me to make everything smell good.

to this day, there's only one type of air freshener that i am fascinated with.

i know, i know. you guys have never seen this before. there's no such thing as a Vanilla scent air freshener sold in Malaysia. and i have been wondering why can't stores in Malaysia sell things like this they would make a fortune since i will be their loyal customer.

i got it during my visit in Australia. i'm am in love with it because i basically love everything that is made from vanilla. and if i spray it on something it feels as if i'm eating a virtual vanilla ice cream. my brother introduced me to it and i immediately wanted to take home as many as possible. it is officially the most awesome thing in the whole world.

i'm still using it up until this day. and everything in my room smells like vanilla teehee! :)

Trying To Make It Work But These Times Are Hard.

2011-09-19T15:23:00.000+02:00

i wrote a post at three in the morning yesterday, saying all the things i was meant to say just before i head off to a landlocked country in Central Europe. my fingers dancing effortlessly on the laptop keyboard since i tend to have more ideas of what to write when everybody else is asleep. inspirations come at the least expected time of the day if i must say.

so i made a complete essay, was satisfied with it, but somehow something held me back from clicking the Publish button.

i couldn't explain why i felt that way since i'm mostly the person who wouldn't take second look after i publish something in my blog.

i woke up today, feeling a bit off. like when you're cleaning your feet after walking barefoot on a beach but the grains of sand would stick no matter what you do and it gets annoying because you have sand in between your toes wherever you go. i knew something was wrong.

it was an hour before noon, my stomach started to churn. i was telling myself to keep my composure, act like its not there. with a week left to fly, i can't possibly tolerate getting sick at the final moment. as each second passed,the pain intensified. i wasn't able to think straight since i was vomiting out the insides of my stomach after i told bonda about my aching abdomen. thank God the toilet bowl wasn't that far away from where i was standing.

i honestly thought it was just a nervous attack. oh you know, the subconscious things that your body does whenever it detects an increase in concentration of adrenaline in your blood system . things like stammering, fidgeting, cramps. my case, vile vomit. i never had nervous attacks before so i was worried because it has been a long time since anything went through my oesophagus upwards. it was always the other way around.

took some meds. prayed so hard that this wouldn't last long. i was getting tired going in and out of the bathroom i could barely walk T_T

and then the call came. M*** called me, saying that my flight was postponed from 25th to 2nd October.

so i'm a little better now, in front of my laptop writing, again, and i was a bit glad i didn't publish the essay that i mentioned earlier. i guess i'll have to wait two more weeks.

p/s: God is the best planner, all we gotta do is go with the flow.

The Last Goodbye?

2011-09-17T15:58:00.002+02:00

a farewell party/open house/a satisfactory attempt to reunite the family all over Malaysia. i will unequivocally miss every single moment of every single memory created. i'm starting to feel a little tingling right now as a matter of fact.

cooking chocolate

two moist choc cakes.i made one of them.

colouful :)

my all time favourite choc syrup

p/s: this post is all about food, i know .___.

Can't Escape Your Eyes No Matter How Hard I Try.

2011-09-14T17:26:00.000+02:00

Alhamdulillah, everything is falling into place, one at a time. i'm positive that most of the huge and important errands are done, what needs to be settled now is the packing. i am being totally honest when i say all my stuff is only a humongous mess in a corner of the family room. i basically buy whatever that needs to be bought in order for me to survive overseas and pile them up, and now that particular corner is looking so messy i don't even know where to start.

i'm looking forward to 25th September 2011.

taking my time to say goodbye. the whole family is coming to my house this Friday. from Ipoh and from KL. i have decided i will be spending the last few days in Malaysia not doing anything. no sudden rush going to M*R* HQ in KL a couple of times in a week, no sudden disappointment with myself unable to buy all the books required for my first year in medical school. no sudden situations when i randomly say out loud "bye bonda i'll see you in SIX YEARSSSSS" (teehee).

I'm gonna kick my feet up ad stare at the fan.

[Bruno Mars- The Lazy Song]

i need to find inner peace.

I'm Not Neglecting You.

2011-09-14T07:30:00.000+02:00

i'm just too preoccupied.

Wordless Wednesday #11

2011-09-13T18:09:00.000+02:00

We're Smiling But We're Close To Tears.

2011-09-11T16:01:00.000+02:00

Who would've known a simple thing called friendship could capture a numerous number of hearts, link them together in chains, hold them tight, and never let any of them have anything more than a crack. this is what friendship does to me, after so many good times we've been through, watching them going down the escalator, waving for the last time, it breaks my heart.

this is the second batch flying off. they went to India last night. the first batch, Indonesia was their destination. and trust me when i say, i've never seen so many tears being shed by so many people at the same time in the same compound. everyone was there, family friends lecturers and basically the whole neighborhood.

we'll meet again someday, insyaAllah. when that day comes, i'm pretty sure we'll be laughing and talking like old times, not to mention the extra knowledge in our heads and all the jam-pack adventures we're going to experience.

take care friends! i will be missing you guys a lot! ohhh and for the third batch flying to India as well tonight, good luck. we may have separate ways on Earth, but God will bring us all together with no doubt. Doctors unite! :)

Wordless Wednesday #10

2011-09-06T18:03:00.000+02:00

Catching Teardrops In My Hands.

2011-09-05T03:42:00.000+02:00

Dear Maryam,

please don't let yourself become engrossed with whatever this dunya is offering you.

think of akhira', think of akhira', think of akhira'

concentrate more on that, will you?

Hands Or Knees?

2011-09-04T04:10:00.000+02:00

have you ever come to a phase where the most basic and simplest knowledge goes rampageous in your head and prevents you from thinking straight you just feel wretched about it?

for instance, when you are performing prostation (sujood) should your hands or your knees land first on the ground?

a simple thing like this keeps popping inside my head hence me surfing the Net in search for the truth. so this is as far as i could find:

based on the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said: “The Messenger of Allah said, ‘When any one of you prostrates, let him not go down as the camel does; let him put his hands down before his knees.’” (Reported by Ahmad (2/381), Abu Dawood, al-Tirmidhi, and al-Nisaa’i.

but then i also found this:

hadeeth of Waa’il ibn Hajar, who said: “I saw the Messenger of Allah, when he did sujood, putting his knees down before his hands, and when he got up he raised his hands before his knees.” (Reported by Abu Dawood, al-Tirmidhi, al-Nisaa’i, Ibn Maajah and al-Daaraqutni

it got me confused for a moment or two. i wasn't giving up hope just yet. the conscious side of my brain told me to keep on searching. and it was not long after that i stumble upon an article regarding the matter and this is what it says:

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah made a valuable comment on this matter: “Praying in both ways is permissible, according to the consensus of the scholars. If a person wants to go down knees first or hands first, his prayer is valid in either case, according to the consensus of the scholars, but they disputed as to which is preferable.”

The scholar should act upon whichever opinion he believes is more likely to be correct, and the ordinary Muslim should follow the opinion of a scholar whom he trusts. And Allah knows best.

I Shot For The Sky, I'm Stuck On The Ground.

2011-09-03T06:00:00.001+02:00

Alhamdulillah, celebrating Eidul Fitr this year really meant a lot to myself. doing the same old traditions with full pride and pleasure, with a little twist of change here and there. went back to Ipoh, same old same old.

the only thing that marked a difference was i had the chance to meet my late grandfather's brother for the first time. the resemblance between both of them amazed me. it was as if i am witnessing the resurrection of tokwan. he came back with such sky-scraping level of energy that nearly made my eyes water. my cousins informed me earlier that he could talk non-stop for two hours while standing. even though he had a cane to support his weight, that never stopped him. and it actually made me miss tokwan more and more.

the explaining part about Czech Republic was a whole new story altogether. i now notice how many people are unaware of the location of the Czech in the world. a large amount of them blurts out Russia every time i say Czech. some of them would even stare at me in silence, expecting me to elaborate about where it is. there was one time when they confidently asked me when will i be flying off to Ukraine(?) next time i'm definitely bringing along a world map with me wherever i go.

as of this year, i've been celebrating Eid in Malaysia for 20 years. that is considered an extremely long time, well, for me of course. i'm planning to celebrate next years Eid some place else insyaAllah. a different land with different possibilities. can't wait :)

I Wanna Be Your Dream Come True.

2011-09-01T14:41:00.000+02:00

"though the store was busy as ever, Alex took a vacation. it was his first in a while, and he spent most afternoons with Katie and the kids,relishing the lazy days of summer in a way he hadn't since childhood. he fished with Josh and built dollhouses with Kristen; he took Katie to a jazz festival in Myrtle Beach. when the fireflies were out in force, they caught dozens with nets and put them in a jar; later that night, they watched the eerie glow with a mixture of wonder and fascination before Alex finally opened the lid.

they rode their bikes and went to the movies, and when Katie wasn't working evenings, Alex liked to fire up the grill. the kids would eat and then swim in the creek until it was almost dark. after they'd showered and gone to bed, Alex would sit with Katie on the small dock out back, their legs dangling over the water, while the moon slowly traversed the sky. they talked about nothing important,but Alex grew to savor those quiet moments together."

[Nicholas Sparks-Safe Haven]

somehow this is a life i've been longing. simple thoughts, less worries, little things. insyaAllah one day. you can't stop a girl from dreaming, can you? :)

A Day For Celebration.

2011-08-29T16:39:00.000+02:00

Eidul Fitr.

Malaysia's Independence Day.

it doesn't get any better than that.

Reaching Heights Like Never Before.

2011-08-27T11:34:00.000+02:00

credit to Asep for taking this picture :)

even though we may not know what the future holds. even though we wouldn't have a meet up like this again. even though this might be a beginning of our own life journey. the memories we share would always be intact. we're everything and more.

Wordless Wednesday #9

2011-08-23T18:05:00.001+02:00

If You Change Nothing, Nothing Will Change.

2011-08-22T12:08:00.000+02:00

today was most definitely an adventure of a lifetime. (clearly i'm being overdramatic). i was meant to go to KL and receive my offer letter from my sponsor, return whatever that was needed to them in order for me to fly off in peace. yet again, these things always happen to me.

i left my medical report at home T_T

they wouldn't accept the agreement forms without my medical report hence me bringing it all back home again.

went straight to handle Ruzanna's errand. she needed to make her visa for India. didn't know the way around, got lost a couple of times, walked through the scorching hot sun and heavy rain, people in cars giving us perplexed stares since we looked like backpackers without backpacks, became extremely nervous since the visa centre was closing at 2pm.

this is Ruzanna

reached there at 2.05pm.

all the counters were closed. great.

going to KL again this Wednesday. care to join me?

Is This Enough?

2011-08-20T14:03:00.000+02:00

Ten days of Ramadhan remains. at this point our faith, imaan, and good deeds are supposedly equivalent to a hundred galloping horses,heading towards our final destination, with full pride.

Aisha reported that With the start of the last ten days of Ramadan, the Prophet used to tighten his waist belt (i.e. work hard) and used to pray all the night, and used to keep his family awake for the prayers.

[Bukhari]

i've got to admit this year's Ramadhan could be considered as one of the most convoluted Ramadhans i've experienced since the day i was given my first breath. it feels kinda weird going through a full month of Ramadhan at home. i guess i've been in boarding school and college for too long. back then i actually thought that fasting far from my family was hard enough.

so here's the thing, i'm flying off to Czech Republic next month. i've got forms to fill, things to buy. everything i do now is basically for my preparations to fly. above all, nothing is getting any more easier.

this is how i feel

have you ever felt being torn apart because everything you do has a dateline (like if you don't send something on time then someone would not think twice to cut off your allowance for 6 months in advance!) *faints.

i know i can't complain. it's not like this whole thing is hurting me physically(?) i mean, i'm getting enough nutrition unlike some people on the other side of the world. i have a roof on top of my head. i'm not suffering from any serious illness. i don't have the risk of stepping on a landmine every time i walk outside the compounds of my home.

i should take it all back, and count my blessings instead.

Love Conquers All.

2011-08-19T09:40:00.002+02:00

Once the Prophet stayed away from his wives for a month because they had distressed him by asking of him that which he did not have. This was after the Khaybar expedition when an increase of riches whetted the appetite for presents. Returning from his self-imposed retreat, he went first to 'Aaishah's apartment. She was delighted to see him but he said he had received Revelation which required him to put two options before her. He then recited the verses:

"O Prophet ! Say to your wives: If you desire the life of this world and its adornments, then come and I will bestow its goods upon you, and I will release you with a fair release. But if you desire God and His Messenger and the abode of the Hereafter, then verily God has laid in store for you an immense reward for such as you who do good."

'Aaishah's reply was:

"Indeed I desire God and His Messenger and the abode of the Hereafter," and her response was followed by all the others.

for those of you who think that love isn't enough to make a living, well think again. the Prophet (pbuh) himself lived in poverty, his whole life was a battlefield, but that doesn't restrict him from living peacefully under the shelter of God. screw money and standards. all i'm aiming for are the blessings.

I Wish I Could Make A Masterpiece.

2011-08-18T09:32:00.000+02:00

Kurt's youtube page. click here

The World Outside Is A Big Machine.

2011-08-17T17:16:00.001+02:00

Nadia's flight to Bangalore, India was last Tuesday. she's starting as a first year dental student in Bapuji Dental College and Hospital in Davangere. i drove to KLIA alone just to say our last goodbyes, since she was flying off on a weekday hence everyone has work or school to attend to.

i was more than willing to do so, because i believe she would do the same if i were to fly off before her.

we talked, just like old times. i can't believe it's been four years since i've first met her. we've experienced everything together,you name it. from being roommates and classmates in Langkawi, to college mates in KTT. people used to ask us why we were so close, well, we didn't have an answer back then, i don't really think we found one up until this day. the truth is, we just clicked. since the very beginning.

she seems to have a positive vibe around her and every time i talk to her i know things are going to be okay. not many people could have such an impact in my life i dare say.

so nadia was finally going to India. Gosh, i can't tell you how much i am proud of her. when we were juniors in KTT we used to send the seniors at KLIA, it was mainly because we wanted to possess the same feelings as they were having. we wanted to fly.

nadia and her little baby brother :)

two years have passed. it's our time now. going to a place where brand-new possibilities awaits. i asked her how did she feel, she was slightly terrified. i've got to say, my feelings were somewhat out of place as well. as much as i want this, i still haven't been able to imagine myself being rooted to the ground looking at my family from a distance.

i vow to myself not to cry when it's my time to leave. somehow i'm not so sure about it at this moment. but every ending has a new beginning right?

Back then i swore i was gonna marry him someday but i realized some bigger dreams of mine.

[Taylor Swift]

note-to-self:-

bigger dreams : be a doctor

him : question mark (a really big one)

how about we make our bigger dreams come true first then only we figure out whoever 'him' may be :)

take care Nadia! i'll always make du'a for you to become the most successful dentist in the world. see you again soon, insyaAllah.

Wordless Wednesday #8

2011-08-17T04:15:00.000+02:00

Post-Results, Pre-Feelings.

2011-08-14T18:58:00.001+02:00

it's one thing having to wait for the results because you felt time was so stubborn to move, it's another thing already having your results and time egotistically leaves you behind without a back glance.

i have to rush into everything. but that's the best part of it :)

Believe In God And It'll Be Alright.

2011-08-12T15:56:00.001+02:00

you're probably expecting me to ramble about results and whatnot, but for those who knew and those who don't, lets just keep it exactly the way it is now. Concealed.

be it between you and me :)

i couldn't be more grateful, blessed by God. but it doesn't feel that much fun when you know some of your friends are not going through the same thing as you are. the feeling of excitement lasted merely a minute or so.

i am only one speck compared to the whole universe. a tiny dot that is unimportant to anyone and could cease to exist as easily as flipping a page of a story book.

i am highly concerned about how God is constantly making me happy since before i could remember. it will definitely be a day that i dread when the joyous feeling is taken back. one deliberate move is all it takes.

Masha-Allah. this shows how weak i am. having to lean on God's mercy in every situation.

no one wants to hear about the story of a happy girl, having her dreams come true. especially during times like these.

where the world is gradually turning into a wrestling ring. London and its riot, people killing each other without hesitation, Ashraf Haziq and his broken jaw, children starving to death, girls being raped, deportations, Muslims becoming apostates.

That is because Allah would not change a favor which He had bestowed upon a people until they change what is within themselves. And indeed, Allah is Hearing and Knowing.

[Al-Anfal,8:53]

Allah has His own plans. it'll always be the best for us all.

Wordless Wednesday #7

2011-08-10T05:25:00.000+02:00

I Got Nerve.

2011-08-09T10:03:00.001+02:00

i just baked an orange butter cake earlier today and it's my first time doing so. to be honest i'm not much of an orange fan, but since bonda requested me to bake it so badly i had to do it. baking actually consumes a large amount of my time during the holidays.

i wouldn't know what to do every single day and i never get out of the house, literally. i lounge around here and there and try to make myself useful by baking delicious goodies. which reminds me i made really huge pancakes two days back lol. i can't even remember when was the last time i had a nice decent conversation with another human being which is not my family member.

bored face

well okay Ruzanna came to my house and gave me a surprise visit a couple of days ago and it felt nice because i love surprises. (hye Ruz i know you're stalking me)

since i don't go anywhere during the day, my little siblings at school and big brother is at his university, the only time where i'm able to feast my eyes on the outside world would be at night when the whole family goes to tarawih prayers at the surau.

there's a lady that occasionally comes to the surau with her 6 month old baby. i couldn't help myself notice the adorable aura coming from the baby. while bonda talked to the mother i asked to hold him. i just absolutely love things that are cute and squishy and fuzzy and he had all those baby fat that makes him so huggable. the mother is 21 years old. she is practically my age but she has a 6 month old baby.

adorableeeeeeee :')

so yeah that's about it. oh i heard rumours going on that results are coming out tomorrow. woah this is too much pressure to handle. i think i'll bake more. bye.

Resting Is Awesome.

2011-08-08T11:15:00.000+02:00

Lets have a pop quiz shall we?

does anyone here knows the meaning of tarawih? no, i don't mean by how you identify tarawih which i'm positively sure plenty of you would answer it is the type of prayers that we perform at night during the Ramadhan month. what is the meaning of tarawih in terms of its direct translation to a language that we could understand?

fun fact: tarawih = resting = rehat.

this clearly indicates that whenever we are performing tarawih, we are taking a rest at the same time. when we say:

"Sahaja aku menunaikan solat sunat tarawih....."

it actually holds the definition

"Sahaja aku menunaikan solat sunat rehat...."

then a new question tags along with our lives, if it is supposed to be a resting period for us Muslims after a long day of fasting , then why would some of us feel reluctant to do so? common situations would be like

"i ate so much during breaking fast, i think i'm just going to skip resting(tarawih)"

"why should we go to rest(tarawih), it takes too much of our precious time"

"lets go to any mosques that finishes their rest(tarawih) the fastest so we could be done with it and get on with our lives"

something is undoubtedly wrong with all the confessions up there. if we are resting, it is a norm for us to prolong the time not cut it short. so why do people tend to do the opposite thing when it comes to tarawih? Wallahualam.

this takes the term 'rest' to a whole new level

The Day That's Making Us All Jittery.

2011-08-05T18:06:00.001+02:00

click to enlarge.

A-level results. 11th August 2011.

it'll be the first day to the rest of our lives. Oh Lord please give us strength. All we have is only You.

Tawakkal and have faith. :)

That Little Girl.

2011-08-04T11:18:00.001+02:00

it's the fourth day of fasting. for a couple of nights now my little baby sister Syaza a.k.a chapz has been accompanying me to tarawih at the 'surau'. despite the fact that she's eight years old and has school from morning till the evening and of course she happens to be fasting too, i can't help myself by being bluntly astounded when she insisted to go with me.

i asked her why she'd come, and as innocent as an eight-year-old she said "saya nak pergi sebab nak teman kakyong, tak kan nak biar kakyong pergi sorang2" (smiley face).

now these are the times where i would feel blessed having her in my life. the 12 years distance in age just disappears without me even blinking.

i just can't imagine how a huge chunk of determination fit into that little body of hers. she attends 'sekolah agama', national school, KUMON, and piano classes but i rarely hear her complain. sometimes she even demands to be treated like an adult while she's even barely a teenager.

i've never met any eight year old kid that has the same attitude as chapz. because she's special. no matter how much you grow, you'll always be my little baby sister :)

Wordless Wednesday #6

2011-08-02T18:02:00.000+02:00

Clear Our Heads, Get It Straight.

2011-08-02T09:20:00.001+02:00

Imagine you going into a goldmine for a month and stepping out with only silver coins. That's a shame right? Maximize your Ramadhan.

[Aiman Azlan]

here i will list down some of the common mistakes made by Muslims during Ramadhan. InsyaAllah the following would be a reminder for myself as to all Muslims. lets make the best out of this Ramadhan without having to encounter any misconceptions.

1) taking Ramadhan as a ritual.

Ramadhan is a form of Ibaadah. it is the perfect time for us Muslims to be closer to God. beseech Allah to forgive us and ask Him to save us from the hellfire. it is not solely about staying away from food and drinks only. for most of us who are mainly fasting just because everybody else is doing so, it would be such a waste of time not gaining anything at all during this holy month.

2) sleeping all day.

some people would rather 'sleep away their fast', shutting down their system so that they would not feel the hunger. tell me, is this considered as a dignified action during Ramadhan? we should put a little self-control in ourselves, try spending time more wisely to get our minds out of hunger.

3) eating too much

moderation is the key to everything. stuffing yourself with food like there is no tomorrow is clearly against the sunnah. some people would eat a tonne of food during 'sahur' right until they're at the brink of bursting just for the sake of not feeling hungry throughout the day.

4) skipping 'sahur'

The Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) said: 'Eat suhoor for in suhoor there is blessing.'(Bukhaari, Muslim).

And he (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) said: 'The thing that differentiates between our fasting and the fasting of the People of the Book is eating suhoor.' (Muslim)

5) missing the golden chance of having your dua's accepted

The prayer of the fasting person is guaranteed to be accepted at the time of breaking fast.

The Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) said: 'Three prayers are not rejected: the prayer of a father, the prayer of a fasting person, and the prayer of a traveler.' (al-Bayhaqi, saheeh by al-Albaani).

6) mixing fasting and dieting

fasting is an act of worship and can only be for the sake of Allah alone. this mistake is usually done by the sisters which happens to be one of the biggest mistakes of all.

7) wasting the last part of Ramadhan preparing for Eid

the Prophet (pbuh) used to strive the hardest during the last 10 days in Ramadhan in worship. unlike people today, they go shopping. we should plan our time wisely, because Ramadhan is only one month in a year, if we missed out, the shame will be on us.

Ahlan Wa Sahlan Ya Ramadhan!

2011-07-31T11:47:00.001+02:00

Dear Ramadhan,

Subhanallah! i have had the opportunity to meet you for 20 years now, and you have taught me wondrous things. you are back this year, so i am giving you the warmest welcome and highest gratitude for your presence in my life.

O you who have believed, decreed upon you is fasting as it was decreed upon those before you that you may become righteous

[Al-Baqarah, 2:183]

i have no doubt that you are certainly very special, since God claims He multiplies the reward given for every good deed done by a Muslim. i wouldn't want to miss the chance possessing all those rewards. i will not allow time to leave me behind, i am never going to let one second go to waste. InsyaAllah.

My dear Ramadhan,

i myself together with all the Muslims around the world have been commanded by our Lord to fast during the day and attend tarawih prayers during the night for as long as you will be staying with us ya Ramadhan, which is 30days, one complete month.

in that way we would not only restrict ourselves from food and drinks only, but our hearts could have its own shield from atrocious desires as well.

it'll be the first step for us humans to at least strive to be a better person. smokers will stop smoking, people who has the tendency to curse all the time would stop cursing, bribes not taken and given, no more illegal racing, homicides are far fetch, no more leaving prayers purposely just for the sake of watching live football or concerts, our awrah (read as: aurat) covered all the time.

MashaAllah, now that would be a supreme achievement wouldn't it. a clean slate for all of us.

the only thing that needs to be our concern is the indulgence towards food during breaking fast, not to forget the amount of money spent in Ramadhan bazaars.

lets remind ourselves that there are more important achievements that require our attention compared to food. assuming that we succeed, it's clearly a small victory for us. so lets work on that and move forward, collecting more victories along the way.

ohh and i haven't even start talking about tarawih. :)

Narrated Abu Huraira: I heard Allah's Apostle saying regarding Ramadan, "Whoever prayed at night in it (the month of Ramadan) out of sincere Faith and hoping for a reward from Allah, then all his previous sins will be forgiven."

God created different mind boggling rewards and wrapped them in beautiful parcels and glittering wrapping paper, the only way for us to receive all those rewards is just perform tarawih prayers. a routine that shouldn't be taken lightly if you ask me.

oh holy month of Ramadhan,

i am aware that people would eagerly wait for night fall while you are around. no pressure whatsoever. the calmness of the night sky, the shimmering stars, the cold breeze, the slow hum of Quran recitals, the zikrullah. being nearer to our Creator.

as if time stops, the Earth stands in its orbit, only the Creator and i. Lailatul Qadar would always be an aim.

Narrated 'Aisha: Allah's Apostle used to practice Itikaf in the last ten nights of Ramadan and used to say, "Look for the Night of Qadr in the last ten nights of the month of Ramadan ,"

so i'm thanking God for allowing Ramadhan to stop by at our doorstep once again. thank you for giving us the opportunity to gain as much rewards, to push back as much imperfections, to upgrade ourselves and become a better Muslim. Jazakillah Ya Rabb! i will make you proud.

Love,

Maryam.

Not So Legitimate After All.

2011-07-28T09:28:00.001+02:00

the pictures convey it all. every so often i would nearly think that Malaysian citizens aren't enough educated when it comes to our own rights. of all the functional stuff that you could do, why does it have to be making yourself a nuisance to everybody else?

the one with the biggest bike, he looks like a traffic police, but he's not, he's a road bully. they all are.

they probably think we were afraid of them, not only they were travelling in a large number and hogging the right lane of the highway, they insisted car drivers to clear their path. well that wasn't something ayahanda did of course, we stayed on the right lane no matter what.

i think it pissed them off, us not willing to admit they are superior. two of them went way ahead of themselves and came in front of our car, pressing the break pedals. for a second there i thought we were going to hit his rear end. then he would be flying of, he could lose his life, but perhaps that was something out of his concern.

i was confounded. Muslims are not supposed to act like this. if we can't get along with each other for even a split second, then how in the world are we going to be paragons for others. i can't imagine how those guys could be someone worth imitating.

and yet, youngsters these days are all doing the exact same thing, with smaller bikes of course.

"O mankind! We created you from a male and a female and made you into nations and tribes that you may know and honor each other (not that you should despise one another). Indeed the most honorable of you in the sight of God is the most righteous."

[Al-Hujurat, 49:13]

Quote Me

2011-07-28T04:20:00.001+02:00

People come, people go – they’ll drift in and out of your life, almost like characters in a favorite book. When you finally close the cover, the characters have told their story and you start up again with another book, complete with new characters and adventures. Then you find yourself focusing on the new ones, not the ones from the past.

[The Rescue]

Wordless Wednesday #5

2011-07-26T19:50:00.000+02:00

Series Of Unfortunate Events.

2011-07-26T19:18:00.003+02:00

Accidents happen, all the time. being humans, we have flaws as our best friends. this is not something that we could run away from. no matter how hard we try.

people say accidents tend to strike someone who happens to be at the wrong place,wrong time. it creeps beside us without a scent, not even a warning.

to be honest, i rarely think that any form of accident is considered as unfortunate, there's always a good news after a bad one, always the rising up part after every fall, always a smile after a tear, always a victory after every discovery, and invariably, there's God behind every existence of consequences.

it happened when my family and i were on our way back from Ipoh. it was a day like any other(so i thought it would be). we were on the highway, ayahanda was driving, expecting nothing besides getting home as fast as possible and enjoying the scenery along the way.

we were a little stunned after we got a load of cars ahead of us slowing down and stopping. there was a massive traffic congestion, on the highway, in the middle of nowhere.

we moved forwards, slowly, sandwiched by vehicles at every angle. an ambulance came, driving through the emergency lane. the screeching siren came and went. a man's voice through the speaker requesting people to give way and tolerate. a police car followed the same lane not too long after that.

i've never seen anything similar to this before. i felt a slight chill running down my spine. i felt my throat working up sentences that tangle around each other.we looked through the window with an inexpressible feeling. i lost count how many vehicles were involved. glass was everywhere on the surface of the road.

the cars, they were like domino blocks. the first block goes down, the rest topple over one after another.

there was also a motorcycle, which had lost its shape. literally.

i was glad by the time we reached the accident area, all the victims had been taken to the nearest hospital. i'm not so sure i could take watching the insides of someone's body scattered on the road. one more reason for me to never work in the trauma department.

ohh the story doesn't end there. if you want to read more then click here

maybe it was for the best.

But God will never reprieve a soul when its term has come. And God is Aware of what you do

[Al-Munafiqun,63:11]

p/s: something else happened afterwards in our journey home. i'll write about it later kthxbye.

Weekend Getaway.

2011-07-24T16:45:00.002+02:00

i came back from Ipoh with a satisfaction. i had the opportunity to finally meet Nazu, just like old times. i've been longing for the heart-to-heart talks and you're the only one who would understand.

i also met old friends, Syam which i haven't seen since form 3. yes, it was that long. my best buddy from mrsm langkawi, Koei. and of course not to forget, Sarah, my bff.

meeting old friends would definitely have its perks and side effects. trying to catch up with each others lives after high school is the most enjoyable part. touche :)

mind you, i met these three friends at three different occasions. Syam at Mcd Tambun, we were basically having our supper that time. Koei, at Jaya Jusco, ate brunch and watched a movie. Sarah, she came to Nazu's house for the kenduri. but they all have one thing in common, every single one of them would blurt out the same thing right after they catch a sight of me.

"Mary why are you getting smaller?''

it's not entirely my fault people tend to grow against gravity really fast after they leave high school, or am i the only one who's going the opposite way? nonetheless, i'm completely comfortable in my own skin. hoyeahhh.

it's too bad i don't have pictures with them, or else i could've show you guys what i'm really talking about. maybe its for the best, for obvious reasons.

so it was an awesome weekend, getting to mingle with family and friends before Ramadhan comes. oh and something happened during our way back to Bangi. i'll tell you about it in my next post. :)

Wordless Wednesday #4

2011-07-19T18:34:00.002+02:00

The Riddles That You Speak.

2011-07-18T06:44:00.000+02:00

And this worldly life is not but diversion and amusement. And indeed, the home of the Hereafter - that is the (eternal) life, if only they knew.

[Al-Ankabut, 29:64]

to show we humans possess nothing not even a single strand of hair on our body. in fact, sometimes humans tend to forget it's not our call to have whatever that makes us convivial. we don't decide, we just plan. everything else that happens, there's always God behind it.

back when i was in KTT, i had this conversation with Elis, during the time we knew MARA was not going to send medic students to India, and the fact i had to go through interviews in order to enter other universities all around the world when originally i didn't have to do that, i was supposed to finish A levels, survive it, have my placement in India, fly, survive India. the straight path i thought i was on had made a twisted turn, i was going in circles.

so Elis mentioned something closely related to life being a game, and we are not the players. we worry about every single thing each time our lives make a slight deviation. even now, after securing my place in Charles University, i couldn't help myself to be extra careful not to put my entire head into it, since there's one more thing to be considered, the thing that's holding me back, A level results.

and as for my other friends who already have placements, or still making an effort to have one, or already have placements but now you're back to square one, i have nothing else to say except trust God.

He knows how to make the best out of our lives. all we have to do is just ask. everything will turn out fine, insyaAllah. i am a believer, are you? :)

p/s: pre-departure is on 25th July. still haven't done my medical checkup. forms not completed entirely. hope everything will turn out fine. bye!

It's Time For A Book Review.

2011-07-16T05:26:00.001+02:00

really nice cover :)

I have never actually read a Jojo Moyes novel before, and that's why i do think random authors could surprise us more than we give them credit for. this novel happens to be the latest workpiece from her, first published in 2010. so pardon me for being behindhand to discover about this wondrous novel.

at first i wasn't sure i should buy this novel due to the fact i thought it would turn out to be exactly like all those typical chick-lit baloney. oh you know, the love triangle she-likes-him-but-he-likes-the-other-her type of story. but trust me, this novel has a different twist altogether.

i do enjoy a story that could wrap me up completely within its little world, making me unaware of my own. there was like a magnetic pull radiated from the book itself, making me hard to let go until i've reached the last page.

there were two intertwining story lines, one from the present time and the other way back during the 1960's. at first i wasn't intrigued to read Ellie's part of the story(she's a journalist and supposed to find stuff for her to write about, in love with a married man,have problems with her boss). when she found the letters of Jennifer, that's where everything starts to kick off. from the first moment of reading about her, i was hooked.

Jennifer survived from a car crash, she doesn't know anything about who she is and i have to admit, her amnesia is described brilliantly. Jennifer is a very likeable character, seemingly trapped in a world she doesn’t feel like she belongs to, and her relationship with her husband Laurence is badly failing too. and one day she found a letter sent by "B", her lover. too bad she doesn't remember who he is.

i like how their relationship unfolds, Jenny trying to remember everything in her life before the accident. the story alternates between Jenny pre-accident, and Jenny post-accident, we can see the definite change in her, and you can start to see why she would be attracted to "B" who she writes to in her letters.

There are some shocking revelations towards the end of Jenny’s story, and I think these were great because I didn’t see them coming at all. having to wait for 40 years to finally be with the one you love, now that's phenomenal.

this is no doubt a beautifully written book indeed.

Wordless Wednesday #3

2011-07-12T18:51:00.001+02:00

taking a stroll through memory lane.

This Is Cute.

2011-07-12T18:06:00.000+02:00

i adore people who tries to imitate one of Malaysian's accents and end up really cute doing so.

the video below is just for laughs. they even call themselves 'mat saleh'. LOL.

Enquiry Please.

2011-07-11T20:48:00.002+02:00

am i the only one who can't see my followers?

it has been a few days. can't seem to find the reason why.

Different Angles.

2011-07-11T20:25:00.001+02:00

i slouch when i sit. i came to realize about this whenever i intend to look upfront i'd have to crane my neck so it'll hurt if i'm staying in the same position for a while.(i'm currently doing it fyi). i admit my centre of gravity is a little out of place. lack of confidence much? perhaps. in television the people who slouch are the ones we call geeks/nerds/flushed-in-the-toilet-faces.

guess i ought to change that. big time.

i just learned today that if a man turns the palms of his hands facing forward and along the side of his body, his arms will fall strait along his side, whereas a woman's arms curve out at a 30 degree angle. if you don't believe me, try it for yourself. i was edified by my older brother about the subject, him telling me to place my arms beside my body and laughing at the very sight of my angled arms. as oblivious as i was, at least i attained something educational for a change.

that's what you usually get when your siblings are studying medicine. you'd never get enough of the sundry names of blood vessels, muscles, bones, the numerous types of drawings regarding the insides of a human being, the coloured pens and highlighters filling the whole house to make notes and such, the thick thick thick books.

somehow i find myself craving to be in the same position. it'll come, in Gods will :)

so during the holidays, i've done pretty much everything and nothing. i feel like i'm moving around all the time but at the end of each day, the to-do-list survives without a scratch. at this moment there're 17 major things for me to achieve before ~~the big day comes~~ holiday ends.

i made cupcakes yesterday. they're not what i expected them to be but the siblings are polishing off the tray quite instantaneously so i figured it wasn't that bad. kudos to me. went to a lecturer's wedding in Klang. she looked like a barbie doll and happy as she could ever be. congratulations madam azie.

ohh and i learned how to make fish tail braids. chapz will always be the right person for experiments. i'm trying waterfall braids after this! :)

i'll update soon. kbai.

To Choose Or Not To Choose, Which Would You Choose.

2011-07-08T18:10:00.001+02:00

Lets put it this way. you have taken a path. you've lived through it for so long. you have planned the foreseeable future along that path, taking note regarding everything that passes by your side. you become stronger and wiser as you move forward, one foot in front of the other. and yet, have you ever pondered, what if this particular path your taking, was never there in the first place?

how would your life turn out to be, if from the beginning, you decided to turn left instead of right?

take me for instance, if i'm not to pursue medicine or take A levels or spend two years of my life in KTT, i probably would be a different person altogether. maybe an interior designer, an architect, a news anchor, a freelance photographer, a stunt woman. that's something different aight? (ok so the last part was a tad too exaggerating).

the one thing that relates to me in a large extent has to be writing.in fact, i am very much fond of writers. it seems that they can be whoever they wan to be, wherever and whenever. being a writer allows you to express your feelings on paper no matter how absurd it may be, pour your heart out so that the whole world would know, escape life itself, predict the future, have wings and fly.

Nicholas Sparks (he's one of my favourites). 'A Bend In The Road' is one of his novels. fun fact: the final draft for this novel is 30 000 words shorter than the first draft. so no matter how many times we read it over and over again, we still wouldn't figure out the mystery that's hidden beneath. why was it that he discarded those 30 000 words in the first place? was there something else he's not telling us? things that we can't put a finger on it. it's for him to know, and for us to never find out.

so trust me when i say there had been more than a few close calls for me to become a writer. mysterious. enigmatic. they have an accessible way to blend with me.

but if i've chosen that path, i would surely miss the chance to meet all the wonderful people in the one i'm currently in. the people i've shared a sacred bond with. and i am surely not to trade that in this lifetime. God has chosen me to stride this route so i'm eternally grateful.

''But it is possible that you dislike a thing which is good for you, and that you love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knows, and you know not''

(Al-Baqarah, 2:216)

Finally!

2011-07-08T05:47:00.002+02:00

My dashboard has changed. one word, awesome.

Tagged.

2011-07-06T13:38:00.000+02:00

1. Put your music library on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. You must write that song title as the answer to the question,
no matter how silly it sounds!

Most of the time they seem to work though, strangely enough.

4. Ok, go!

1.If someone says, “Is this okay?” you say
Always Remember-Outlandish

2. How would you describe yourself?
What Are Words-Chris Medina

3. What do you like in a guy/girl?
One Love(English version)-Acel Bisa

4. How do you feel to today?
The Other Side Of The Door-Taylor Swift

5. What is your life’s purpose?

Dancing Crazy-Miranda Cosgrove

6. What's your motto?
Breakeven-The Script

7. What do your friends think of you?
Enchanted-Taylor Swift

8. What do you think of your parents?
Keep The Record On Play-Outlandish

9. What do you think about very often?
Surah Luqman-Abdul Rahman As-Sudais

10. What is 2 + 2?
You Can-David Archuleta

11. What do you think of your best friend(s)?
True-Ryan Cabrera

12. What do you think of the person you like?
The Man Who Can't Be Moved-The Script

13. What is your life story?
River Flows In You-Yiruma

14. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Brought Up That Way-Taylor Swift

15. What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Last Kiss-Taylor Swift

16. What will you dance to at your wedding?
Who Says-Selena Gomez

17. What will they play at your funeral?
Behti Hawa Sa Tha Woh-3 Idiots

18. What is your biggest fear?
I've Seen-Outlandish&Sami Yusuf

19. What is your biggest secret?
Faithfully-Glee

20. What will you post this as?
Somewhere Over The Rainbow-Aselin Debison

Wordless Wednesday #2

2011-07-05T18:34:00.000+02:00

which way shall it be? :)

Your Life Will Flash Before Your Eyes.

2011-07-02T19:37:00.001+02:00

when someone dies, it gives full closure. you detach from your body, leaving everything in this life behind. you go out of this world the same way you came in. alone and with nothing. there would be two different situations that occur whenever someone cease to exist.

the first: the person experiencing it.

the second: the surrounding people that are left behind.

for the first situation,i've clearly never been there before,and of course you people who are reading this post apparently. dying is a norm of life neither you and i can deny. since it's a private matter between ourselves and The Creator, it's best if every single one us has the realization to improve in order to please Him (so that we don't embarrass ourselves when we literally meet Him one day).insyaAllah.

lets talk about the second situation. i'm sure plenty of us have had enough experiences handling other people's death. be it a grandmother, a friend, a neighbour, a younger brother's friend's step-mother's husband's second daughter-in-law. the list goes on.

I, for one, have only attended two funerals during my entire course of living. no words were spoken, just the sound of voices reciting the Yaasin and tears from the distance. it was heart-rending.

i'm still contemplating with myself which one is the hardest. being in the second situation has taught me a lot about abandonment. having someone not being in your life anymore after they've left a mark in it is never easy. you're the one who's supposed to move on with life with nothing but a remembrance. i've seen it firsthand. it was NEVER easy.

i recently watched an episode of a TV series ( i have nothing else to do during the holidays -___- ), about the death of a person who happens to be a father and a husband. he suffered from a heart attack and it was a sudden thing to leave his family behind, without a word.

on the day of his funeral, the whole family (the wife and three sons) thought of all the memories they had with him. so it was basically a full episode of flashbacks. they talked about his last words to every single one of them.

last words. the most important thing of all.

it got me thinking, what would my last words be like? will it be something knowledgeable, could it make history, maybe a joke, or probably something disgusting and inappropriate? this definitely is a clear reminder for myself to watch out everything that originates from my mouth from now on. you never know, right?

as Muslims, we must certainly know the Prophet Muhammad's (pbuh) last words were the most enduring and memorable utterance that could last a lifetime. he asked the death angel 'Tell me about the destiny of my people(ummath) in the future?'. when he was bearing the pain of death he managed to say 'O Allah, how severe is this sakaratul maut. Give me all these pains, don't give it to my people...'.

'Ummatii, ummatii, ummatii' (my people)

he fought for us, he received countless number of pains, he made Islam a religion worth looking up for, even when he was in his deathbed, he called for us.

how much would you do for the Prophet (pbuh) to show that you are thankful?

lets make him proud. lets make God proud. at least now we should have the guts to prove ourselves righteous. insya'Allah.

GEGAR BLOG JULAI 2011.

2011-07-01T16:13:00.000+02:00

while most people think it's our brain that controls our actions
it is often our heart that gets the biggest workout
it can make us do the craziest of things
but it can also let us take a chance on new adventures
because when we open our heart
we can explore a world of love
and be pleasantly surprised by the people already in our life
but unfortunately, our hearts are very sensitive
and when they're broken
everything around us is shattered
total eclipse of the heart.

want to know what this is all about? click here!

Accomplishment: Zero.

2011-06-30T11:36:00.000+02:00

i just remembered i haven't yet finish the 30 Days Challenge. i guess i'm too lazy. meh.

Wordless Wednesday #1

2011-06-29T07:59:00.000+02:00

Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head.

2011-06-26T13:44:00.000+02:00

Vile. Intoxicate. Crestfallen.

I have been trying to restrict myself from admitting this but i think i might be losing hope. i'm losing hope in myself by becoming a weakling.

I choke.

it's like being punched in the gut. or having nunchucks wrapped around my neck. Just a little tighter. maybe that's exactly what i need.

i can't cry. i don't cry. as much as i want to, i can't seem to make myself shed tears. the feeling never seem to come. sometimes i honestly think it's better to impersonate someone else when i don't want to be dispensable. i've had a fair share of situations where i couldn't keep my tears to myself. and when it actually (finally) happens, i assure you, it would at least leave a scar in my heart. or a hole, whichever fits best.

either that, or it's just my poker face and i. i don't cry when watching heart-touching movies or soap operas. i don't cry when separating with friends which i won't be seeing again. i don't cry over friendship. i don't cry when i'm physically hurt. i don't cry when i'm mentally tortured. i don't even cry during wedding days or funerals.

yes i'm that bizarre. i can't remember the last time i've cried. silence is not a stranger to me. whenever i think i'm supposed to cry, my mind just falls down to a shut down mode. Silence. whenever i see someone else cry, i wouldn't know what to say, so my vocal cords do not stir, not a sound. Silence. i remember having a friend who had boy problems so she cried her heart out, i just hugged her tightly, while noticing the awkward feeling flowing in the atmosphere.

i'm always in my own world. back then in Langkawi, i'm not the type who would go out-and-about visiting other girls in their rooms just for the sake of having a conversation. the same thing in KTT, i'm not a reacher. never was and never will be.

i am comfortable in my own space.

that's why there are certain situations where i convince myself to run away. i need to run away into the realm of my own thoughts. the only safe spot i've known since, well..... since ever. no one could reach out to me except Him. The Creator. talking to Him is a lot more easier compared to communicating with any other soul on Earth. He listens, He cares.

i feel more strengthened being in the dark caverns of my mind. or rather i say, between consciousness and dream,i'd choose the latter in a heartbeat.

forgive me for my sins ya Rabb.

i daydream too much.

Quote Me.

2011-06-23T13:16:00.000+02:00

"At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out, they fence you in. Life is messy, that's how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross. Here's what I know. If you're willing to throw caution to the wind and take a chance, the view from the other side... is spectacular."

-Grey's Anatomy(The First Cut Is The Deepest)-

Applying For UNPAD-UKM.

2011-06-22T17:56:00.003+02:00

And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sâbirin (the patient ones, etc.).

Al-Baqara (2:155)

two exciting days of non-stop nerve-racking roller coaster heart wrenching ordeal. i have to say surviving it was an achievement. it all started when i decided to apply for the UKM-UNPAD twinning program.

okay i must state this one true fact, it was a little awkward to know that the people around you who applied for the same course were one year younger than you. i took two years of Alevels and those people took matriculation. i guess it helps having yourself to look young at all costs. and of course it pays for you to act mature at the same time (we were the only ones without parents accompanying us) *we: myself, lyana, ruzzy, nabilah, and athina.

the first day was the interview. there were two interviewers in one panel. one was a doctor and lecturer from HUKM and the other from Padjadjaran. so the doctor was a he and the Indonesian person was a she. the moment i stepped into the room, they were smiling like it was the most natural thing in the world. both of them were so comfortable with each other, it didn't take me long to fit in. i enjoyed every moment of it.

trauma department

the second day was a really longgggg day. the day to work our brains at full throttle. the first exam was the 'attitude test'. it was exactly similar to the test before entering MRSM (so it was effortless). the only thing that bothers me was that it had 567 questions in one test ohh and there was this one page that asked us three questions if we wanted to kill ourselves. i was actually considering it by the time i reached question number three -____-

the second exam, the-most-complicated-test-because-you-can't-use-the-calculator-to-do-your-maths-physics-and-chemistry-questions test. that wasn't my finest moments at all since i've forgotten to do 'bentuk lazim' to count. apart from the difficulty in counting situation, it was all good.

i got to spend quality time with Maksu too btw.

so Alhamdulillah, what's done is done. now i just have to pray, and be real patient.

These three things – work, will, success – fill human existence. Will opens the door to success, both brilliant and happy, work passes these doors, and at the end of the journey success comes in to crown one's efforts

-Louis Pasteur-

To Please Allah or The People?

2011-06-22T15:07:00.001+02:00

Cartoons With Benefits.

2011-06-17T18:12:00.001+02:00

if you are a person who loves to read manga, then this would surely make you feel ecstatic. this is something for you to read during your leisure time and of course you'll definitely learn a few things along the way.

click here

oh and my favourite artwork would definitely be this particular one.

enjoy :)

Borders.

2011-06-15T18:39:00.000+02:00

Sometimes it's hard to see the lines we've drawn

Until we cross them

That's when we rely on the ones we love to pull us back

And give us something to hold on to

Then there are the clearly marked lines

The ones that if you dare cross

You may never find your way back.

I Love You Because Of Allah.

2011-06-14T19:18:00.003+02:00

I knew sooner or later i'm going to write something that's related to love. although i'm kind of the all's well that ends well type of girl, i can't help to notice how everyone in my close proximity are either searching for it or maybe are currently in it.

The Holy Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

“Nikah (marriage) is my Sunna. He who shuns my Sunna is not of me.”

So this is a story about a man. A man whom i find most inspiring. His life started out in an unimaginable destitution. He never had enough to eat nor wear. There was a war going on. So he decided to migrate to a more safer place to live in. That was the first time he set foot in Malaysia. He worked day and night, until one day, God had decided for him to meet the love of his life. it was amazing what kind of miracles God could perform.

He asked her hand in marriage. he was strict, she was somewhat transparent, but that was all it took for them to complete each other. he called her 'cinta'.

Later on they were granted four beautiful children. he raised his family with perseverance until his children grew up and had families of their own. their love grew stronger everyday, even though there were thorns and loopholes along the way.

time passes by, grandchildren came into this world one by one. they were always excited whenever the grandchildren came to visit. During Eid celebration, he would buy so many fireworks for the boys to play while she would draw beautiful flower ornaments on the palms of the girls with henna. it was their tradition. they created the perfect family.

they were growing older, from common cold, to back pains and muscle cramps. she had wrinkles on her face but he still looked at her like the stars that shine. his grandchildren would sometimes tease him, "mana cinta? mana cinta?". he laughed every time as his cheeks turned red.

at one point, she got very ill. it was her time to face The Creator. she passed away and left all the memories they had together. he was shocked, he was sad, and most importantly, he was lonely. he kept asking his grandchildren, "mana cinta?". they had no answer.

after she left, his health condition deteriorated. he was diagnosed of having cancer. there was a tumour in his throat. the doctors had to poke a hole in the middle of it for him to breathe. he was losing his voice. he became quieter and quieter each and every day. his limbs gave away, which makes him immobile.

when his condition worsened, he was sent to the hospital, and he stayed there for months. he was always asking for his 'cinta' every time he saw his grandchildren.

it was a Friday when he held his last breath. two years after she left.

he was buried in the same cemetery as her. their children and grandchildren would never miss a chance to visit them every year during Eid.

i would always make du'a for both of you. because i love him and her. my grandfather and my grandmother. i pray that you both will be together forever.

because in Islam, it's not till death do us apart, it's till we meet again in Jannah.
:)

God Has A Plan

2011-06-13T10:05:00.000+02:00

i wouldn't know what to do if it was more than a dent on the surface of the metal. i wouldn't know what to do if your life was on the line. i wouldn't know what to do with the insurance and all its policies. i wouldn't know how to break the news to the rest of the family. i wouldn't know who else to turn to.

be strong and brave. because Allah is with us.

Japan Adventures!

2011-06-13T05:14:00.000+02:00

it was a six hour flight from Singapore to Japan. the air was pristine. it was as if we were being welcomed with a cheerful expression from the land of the rising sun. baby brother managed to say something to me in a hushed tone, 'japan is just full of old places, old buildings, old histories, and old people'. i laughed at the thought.

the only fact that gives this trip its specialty compared to others is because we(myself, zaid,and baby brother) were traveling by ourselves which made me feel 20 years older honestly. so i better give you guys a brief explanation of the situation. ayahanda has been there for quite a while now, doing research as he claims. that is why i would grow up to be exactly like him, having to travel to new places all the time(my all time favourite thing to do).

not so young after all :)

i used to say that Japanese people walk fast, well it seems ayahanda walks faster now. it was my second time in Japan so i was okay i guess in keeping up with ayahanda's pace. everything felt the same in one glance, i almost felt like it was dejavu. to my surprise, it wasn't.

Mega Kebab (jet lag faces)

i couldn't help to notice all the random stuff that went on around me, the subway is still the best way to travel in Japan, just like ten years ago. it's always on time, and my favorite part would be the cool breeze hitting our faces every time the subway reaches the terminal. according to zaid the subway pushes air from outside into the terminal so that's why we could feel the gust of wind as the subway moves towards us.

yes there is a place called Kami Otai in Japan.

random Japanese guy with his pink phone :)

i was taken aback with the new status quo the Japanese were portraying. all the books that i used to see them read during leisure time back then were thoroughly displaced by earphones. a huge chunk of people in the subway or on the street have their ears clogged up with earphones. either its listening to music in the subway, or sleeping to pass time -.-

ayahanda is currently working in Nagoya University as a 'sensei', so all of his friends are mainly 'senseis' too. *sensei: lecturer*.

we're sitting on tatami mats with Matsuda's wife

with Noguchi

with the ever so happy Miyuki

i found out Japanese people are all over-achievers and full of expression.(overflowing energy if you ask me). they would get excited with everything. they would say NICE TO MEET YOUUUUUUUUU, or I LIKE YOUR SHOEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSS, or CAN YOU TAKE A PICTURE WITH MEEEEEEEEEEEEE. good times, good times.

at the end of day 1, Matsuda's family took us all to eat traditional Japanese food. it was then i realised how much Japanese people could devour. we had eight courses of sushi, raw food, rice, noodles. i couldn't swallow the food by the time we reached the 5th course.

sightseeing around Nagoya was mainly done by walking towards all the places. i never walked so much in my life before. Higashiyama Sky Tower,Nagoya Botanical Garden, Osu Kannon, Nagoya Public Aquarium, Nagoya Castle, and The Anime Shop were the places we went to.

Nagoya Castle

on top of the world :)

Nagoya Aquarium

Zaid's and baby brother's favourite

in Japan, you can say that they were somehow obsessed with baseball. Nagoya's team was called DRAGONS. there was this one night we went out to have a snack with Matsuda's family at the EON shopping centre,at the same time the DRAGONS were battling against the MARINES, there were constant announcements regarding the match.(DRAGONS won eventually)

the next day, we rode in a subway full of DRAGONS stickers all over it. lol.

Japan was undeniably wonderful. it seems to be my second home now since ayahanda travels there every year. even his best friend is a Japanese. the only thing i'm lacking is to speak and understand the language. well, i'm learning bit by bit.

'He who travels in the search of knowledge, to him God shows the way of Paradise.'

more adventures to come insyaAllah.

Quote Me.

2011-06-11T15:37:00.000+02:00

"Don’t be too hurry in love, find someone who can guide you not only in Dunya, but in akhirah. Who can pick you up when you fall, who can remind you when you forget, love you with all his might, someone that will hold your hands through thick and thin & lead you to the Jannah. InsyaAllah" :')

My Second Home.

2011-06-08T09:44:00.001+02:00

Nagoya Daigaku, Japan. i'll tell you all about it. but first, i'm feeling a little jet lag.

Overboard.

2011-06-08T05:49:00.000+02:00

It feels like we've been out at sea,

So back and forth that's how it seems,

And when I wanna talk you say to me,

That if it's meant to be it will be.

So crazy in this thing we call love,

And now that we've got it we just can't give up

I'm reaching out for you,

Got me out here in the water and I,

I'm overboard

And I need your love to pull me up

I can't swim on my own

It's too much

Feel like I'm drowning without your love,

So throw yourself out to me my lifesaver.

Never understood you when you'd say,

You wanted me to meet you halfway,

I felt like I was doing my part,

You kept thinking you were coming up short

Its funny how things change cause now I see.

So crazy in this thing we call love,

And now that we've got it we just can't give up

I'm reaching out for you,

Got me out here in the water and I,

I'm overboard

And I need your love to pull me up

I can't swim on my own

It's too much

Feel like I'm drowning without your love,

So throw yourself out to me my lifesaver.

It's supposed to be some give and take I know,

But your only taking and not giving anymore,

So what do I do?

Cause I still love you,

And you're the only one who can save me.

I'm overboard

And I need your love to pull me up

I can't swim on my own

It's too much

Feel like I'm drowning without your love,

So throw yourself out to me my lifesaver.